Beside the fact that you are beaded into my soul(I), i find the very thought of you lingering into my dreams and moments where i stop to think not of you; but of a what if- us.
I live and die for a healthy diet of you and me. Otherwise i wither away into the nothingness of a matrimonial state that i shall endure. Consequences that bare a price too high for me to pay..
I cannot even begin to describe.
i bleed the pain neurotically into fits that schedule themselves politely through my organs. i breath the staleness of my lies each day pushing myself to the limit until i fall asleep as a result of an active chemical usage due to several surgeries and injuries both inside and outside my body.
I am disintegrating…it feels like part of the real me is disappearing.
I actively have conversations with myself each night to calm down the righteousness..to center the energy…to carefully retrieve each ray of sunshine and place it in my special box to someday give to the love of my life.
I am afraid(III).
The fear of losing my…
The fear of giving giving and giving…then what? Then they take take take.
I fear being crippled.
I fear losing you my love.
I fear you do not want me when i become less than a woman.
I fear you will forget me with the passing of the days.
I fear you will hate me.
I fear i give you too much pain to live with.
I shall not give up(IV)
I shall spend the remainder of my days breathing your name in every thought my love.
I shall forever live by your rules.
I shall forever honor your existence.
I shall build and maintain myself to one day become yours.
I shall create a wall and its materials to build around myself and once ready i shall make you my offer.
My offer to never give up. My offer is to join me. In a much deserved and much awaited matrimonial manner. Forever bonded.
We can do this. We can make it.
I will start(V) it. And i pray for you to wait until i am ready to escape the monsters.
I am strong. Your are strong.
We both suffer in different ways for the same thing.
Life is not the movies we watch. The only thing that is real is the characters.
I dream and i will make my dream come true.
But..this is important. An important fact (VI) or few.
Forever is the time i have loved you.
Since birth is how long i have waited to meet you.
I cant predict how long i have to wait to be with you.
But i will forever try to manage the situation.
If you choose to hate. If you choose to give up.
Make your choice clear.
For i will be building an empty castle for a queen with no king if you dont exist.
Life(VII) has taught us lessons..
A lesson learnt to think long and careful before deciding..
A lesson learnt to always take the first choice!
A lesson learnt for how to deal with impatience,jealousy and greed.
A lesson learnt than one should give and take in life.
A lesson learnt that taught me to appreciate your wisdom.
A lesson learnt that through pain and sorrow emerges laughter and joy.
A lesson learnt that showed me how we were meant to be.
7 Chapters above for seven months of love..and many more from me and always.